Malls were Created to Test my Patience

Ok.I'll admit it. I'm a Mall-aphobic. This strange fear falls right between my fear of shaking bridges and my fear of becoming a brunette.

How did I come across the highly un-feminine fear? THis falls into the category of my many un-answered questions like, "how much wood does a woodchuck chuck?" so frankly,I have no clue. First of all, I shop like a guy. I go in, grab it, NEVER try it on, pay, and leave. This makes shopping with my mom and Xiaoning very stressful. They are both mall people-WHICH I RESPECT, I just don't share the same love.

So here's what happens to me at malls:
*Step one- I start out very awkardly. I walk with the people who enjoy mall-shopping and act like I know what I'm doing.
**Step two- I start to find myself finding the funny things about malls and making up a blog in my head about how funny things at the mall are. For example: there was a kiosk called "Retro plug-and-play." The thing that I loved about this was that they were games that I played as a kid like Duck Hunt on the old Super Nintendos, Mario Kart on N64, and pong (no joke.)
***Step three- I often find myself gravitating toward bookstores and technology shops, loving what these shops have to offer (just lose me in Barnes and Nobels, I'll be fine) also somewhat hoping that I don't see anyone that I know so I can get out of there sooner. Although, it was a pleasant to see KATE Z. all the way from Madison looking at ginormous universal remotes.
****Step four- I begin to notice people looking at me. I'm probably just being paranoid, but I feel like they're all noticing at me. I start to get cranky with the people I'm with to GET ME OUT OF THERE so I don't draw attention to myself. I find a place to sit down, and if someone starts talking to me, I get nervous and rude.
*****Step five- I get dizzy from looking at all of the shops and colors. I find it hard to breath (I'm not making this up) and nearly go into panic attacks (ok, so now I'm exaggerating). I rush out of the mall to get some fresh air.

So that's what four hours in the mall does to me. I try not to make a habit out of it.

The Untitled Post

Today at supper, there were three girls running around in our neihborhood playing tag. The first two girls were in jeans and a tee shirt, but the third girl was in a beautiful dress with lacy gloves. The dress was quite extravagant, like a flower girl would wear, or how someone's granddaughter would dress for tea.

Why do I tell you this? I'll get to that. But when I was her age (not that it was that long ago), I had that childlike innocence that never questioned anything. That always gave the benefit of the doubt. Don't tell me that you've never envied that child-like faith.

But as I looked at this picture today, it made me miss the idea of not caring. When I got glasses in second grade, and I thought that it was cool that I was the only one, that it made me unique. By the time I reached seventh grade, I had marked myself ugly, and would go without sometimes, just because I didn't want to be different.

That little girl today didn't care that she might get her dress dirty. She just wanted to have fun, to enjoy the beautiful day, and run around with her friends. But now, I don't like to get my hands dirty when I'm wearing a cute outfit.

I just miss that sense of just being me to be me. Not to have to impress. To go to school looking a little weird, without awknowledging the fact that I look a little weird. To not have other people dictate my wardrobe. To not straighten my hair and put in my contacts every stinking day.

Maybe it's just time to grow up. Thanks for listening....or....reading.